Tuesday, 14 August 2012
And the humansomebody calls me scruffbag too acuz I like to dunk my beautiful neck furrs in my yummy stinky foods and get them all messy, and she can't never clean it all out acuz my lovely neck furrs are so thick.
And I've had lotsa and lotsa fun here sept with stinky Milliecat who didn't like me when her tummy growed real big and real, real fat. Hahaha, she's a fatty and I gotted to bounced on her fatty tummy lotsa and lotsa, acuz you can jump real high when you use a fatty tummy as a spring board! But then you gotta run real, real fast acuz she'll chase you and scream bad words at you and wanna rip your tail off! But Millie goed away somewhere ages ago and I didn't seed her since, so that's Ok. My humansomebody says that if you want to see what Millie's been up to, and pictures of her babycats, then you should go to The Moonspun Blogwhere there's lotsa and lotsa pictures of the stinky babycats. For now though, here's a teaser.
But anyway, nuff about her. I's writed this to telled you all about the mazing thing that happened me today! I love my stinky goodness. I eated and eated and eated and then I ask for some more till my humansomebody gives me another name, fat little pig! Fat little pigs must be cute, acuz I know I am! But today, she sayed to us, "right, girls. I think it's time for a treat for you to celebrate the new arrivals". I didn't know what this meaned but that's Ok. The humansomebody says a lot of words and I don't know what they meaned, so I just said eeeeew in a very nice voice and I sitted on her foot and I waited. And then she wented to the kitchen and I sayed eeeeew again acuz I'd felled off her foot when she moved! And then I heared her making that noise that she sayed is a tin opening but that I know is the noise that means I'll be getting new stinky goodness. And I sayed reeeeeeeeeew, in a very loud voice so's she'd member I was here and that I was only a babycat and that I was real, real hungry and that I really wanted some stinky goodness pleeeeeeeaseeeee! And then I smelled it.
Somebodypeoples, I don't know the words for the smell acuz it was sososososososo good! It maked me sitted down on my cute little bumbum with a plop, and then ask in a real, real, real loud voice that I wanted my stinky goodness nooooooowwwwwww! And then Tiacat camed into the kitchen too, and she smelled it and even she sayed miaowwwwwww for a long, long time! And you know what? That horrible humansomebody laughed at us! She did! And she maked us wait and wait forever and then forever again till I thinked that my belly was eating itself!
And then she gived it to us. Somebodypeoples, I never eated anything like this before. This was the bestest foods ever in the whole wide world, and even better than a drink from a mummycat! And I eated and eated and eated for a long time, and I didn't even mind when Tiacat camed and pushed her stupid big head into the dish and stealed some of my stinky goodness for herself. She never does that normally acuz she doesn't like my stinky goodness, but this stuff was too good not to eated! My humansomebody sayed that they were called Pilchards, a kind of small fish, but I don't know what a fish is anyway, and I don't care acuz I was too busy eating as much as I could!
And I eated so fast that when I was done, my belly was as fat as I was! And then another funny thing happened me. I feeled this strange feeling and then some air camed outta my mouth. And the humansomebody laughed till she nearly couldn't breathe and she telled Dogman that I'd just did my first burp and that I didn't know what to do (human note: she really didn't. She was so confused and just kept looking round her at her own belly as though daring it to try it again). And then I got this nother strange feeling and then my belly did a funny jerk! And then another one! And then another! And my humansomebody laughed at me again! (human note 2: when the hiccups started, I really was struggling to hold it together. She kept sniffing her own belly as though trying to work out what sort of a frog she'd swallowed! If you've never heard a kitten with the hiccups, you've missed out on one of the sweetest little noises).
And then I leaved the humansomebody and I goed onto the sofa and I had a long sleepy. Achaally, I's got a photo of me sleeping like that from a long long time ago that my humansomebody sayed is only a couple of weeks. Whatcha think?
Ok, I can't think of nothin else, so byebye! And go see Milliecat's stinky babycats at The Moonspun Blog!
Monday, 13 August 2012
Well, you know that I went to stay with a mancat, right? A couple of weeks after that, I noticed that my girlcat yummy tummy was disappearing andI was getting as fatt as boring old mummycat! I didn't like it and I tried to stop eating so much yummy foods, but I couldn't help it. I was soooooooo hungry all the time! And my human kept giving me stinky kissies and telling me this was great and wasn't I clever and all and it was just yucky cuz she always tries to kiss my yummy tummy, and I didn't wanted any somebodies to see it when it was so yucky and fat!
And then, a couple weeks later, I was asleep minding my own business when something kicked me in the tummy!... From the inside! I jumped up with a biiiiiig miaaaaaaaoooooow! And then I runned to the human acuz I was a bit ascared. But she said it was Ok and it was just the babycats. Babycats? What babycats! I didn't have no babycats in my yummy tummy! I didn't! I didn't putted them there so they couldn't be there, and I didn't eated any for lunch neither!
Soon I feeled lotsa and lotsa little kicks and I didn't like it. So I cried at the human until she rubbed my big fat tummy acuz then the kicky things that aren't babycats would stop kicking me and go to sleep.
But then yesterday, I gotted to feeling all funny. And I don't know why, but I felt the urge to go look for quiet, dark, small places and then dig. And I did that and my human taked me away and she, well friends, she taked my temperature! How horrible is that! She actually stuck that thing where it had no business being! But I'm a good girlcat so I letted her. And then she said, "Uh-oh, Millie, looks like today's the day. Hope you slept well last night!" I didn't know what she was talking about, so I just carried on digging.
And then she pulled me out from behind the sofa and cuddled me on her knee, and then, friends, the strangest thing happened. My big fat tummy took on a life of its own, and it squeezed! It was a big one and
I didn't know what to do, so I hided my face in the human's arm. And then another one came! And then another one! And this went on for ages, and the human called Dogman back from his nephew's christening,
but when he camed in, I decided that whatever was going on, I'd stop it cuz for some reason, although I love him, I didn't want him there. So I maked my tummy stop squeezing until the human sayed a lot of
sorries to Dogman and asked him to hide out in the bedroom.
But soon, my tummy was squeezing so hard that I knew I needed to push. And I pushed and pushed and pushed so, so hard and it was so tiring. And I keeped pushing for what felt like forever, and it was really
hurting me and I didn't like it, so I taked the human's arm in my paws and I pulled it in real close to my face and I held on and hided my face against her. and I pushed some more.
After a while, she sayed "Well, Mill, that's that then. There's nothing coming." And she phoned the vet lady people who was having a weekend off but who camed specially to the house just to see me. And
the human held onto my head real tight and the vet ladypeople put her finger, well, I can't even say where! She said she was checking to see if I was dilated, but holy Cod it hurted a lot! I screamed and screamed and screamed and tried to bite the human and the vet ladypeople and then I screamed some more. And the human's eyes were leaking right off the end of her nose, and even the vet ladypeople was sad and gived me a cuddle. And then she telled the human that I wasn't dilated and that I would need a section. I didn't know what that was, so I just carried on doing my best to push.
And then the vet ladypeople putted me in a PTU with a nice soft bed in the bottom, and she taked me away from my human! I wasn't like my mummycat. I didn't cry as I left, mostly acuz I was still too busy pushing to take any notice. And then we went to the horrible vet place and we waited a while till the other vet lady people arrived. And the nasty vet lady people who hurted me is really quite nice and she cuddled me and telled me what a good girl I was for pushing while we waited. And then... And then it all went dark.
Next thing I know, I'm awake, but it's so, soooo cold! I'm shivering and shivering despite being on a nice, warm, heated blanket. But it's just so cold! A lot of my tummy furrs had been stolen too! And I had a big pain in my tummy too.
And then something sayed "eeeeea!" And I jumped up and looked everywhere. And there was things in the cage with me! Teeny, tiny things that sayed "eeeeea!" and squiggled around all over each other. And I feeled real sorry for them, cuz if I was cold and I was a big girlcat, they musta been freezing! And so I pulled them all in close to me and I gave them a bath to clean off the horrible vet stink and warm them up a bit. And then, friends, then one of them got hold of my nimple and started to drink milk! And suddenly I understood. I knew now all about what mummycat had told me about babycats was true. I knew that these were my babycats and that they needed me. I still didn't know how they gotted here, but that didn't matter. They were
here and that was all there was to it.
So I pulled them all up against my tummy and didn't even say weeeeow when they climbed all over my hurty bits while they tried to find a nimple.
And then the vet ladypeople came and taked one of them away from me acuz he was limp and not moving and very, very cold. And I cried for him, but she just cuddled my head and tole me not to worry. She taked
him away and worked on him and feeded him some milk and he drinked it. But when she put him back with me, he still wasn't moving, wasn't searching for a nimple like the others were. He just lay there.
And thenshe put usall back in the horrible PTU and she taked us home to my human. And she sayed to her that the little boy probly wouldn't make it through the night. But my human doesn't give up. After all, she saved my brother Paws last year!
I settled down with my babycats after giving the human lotsa and lotsa head bumpies and loves, and I didn't even cry when she taked my small boy away. And he was real cold again, not lifting his head and she says he was hardly even breathing. So she held him in her hands for a long time and just breathed on him to warm him slowly. Then she taked him to the radiator and held him above the warm air and then she rubbed him hard all over and keeped rubbing and rubbing and rubbing. And every time he tried to lift his head, she whisked him in against my tummy and to a nimple, but he was still too weak to hold on. But she keeped working with him, forcing him to wiggle and squiggle and put his head up probly just to get away from the rubbing! But she knows that that's what mummycats do with a very weak babycat. I didn't though, cuz I've never been a mummycat before. And after a long, long while, he gotted must stronger, so she putted him in with me onto another heat pad and put him right against my tummy and he started squeaking and searching for a nimple! And then everybody went quiet.
She gotted up loads to check us during the night, specially light red boy who was the weak one, but he was still here this morning and is still moving around! She's just about to weigh them all again, but so that you know, here's their birth weights.
- Apache (dogman's name acuz she has a patch over one eye (she's a tortie) and the human sayed when she picked her up "is that a patchy one?" and it stuck: 86 grams. She's the smallest!
- Stripe, another tortie with a stripe down her nose: 92 grams.
- Light red boy: 92 grams, so he's not the smallest!
- Grey boy (he'll either turn out to be a light cream boy or a bluecream girl, so watch this space), 97 grams.
- Dark red boy, the fatty, 107 grams!
They're all such good weights, and 5 is a lot for a first time mummycat too!
My tummy still hurts, friends, but I've been such a good mummycat all night, sept for when I sit on them by accident and my human hasta rescue them when they squeal. And I love them so, so much!
Friday, 13 July 2012
I's been at the strange house now forever and for a real long time. But things are good now acuz I don't gotta stay in the pen any more and I gotted to come out and play with the big cats and chew on wires and run all over the sofa and bite the strange lady that they call the human and eat lotsa and lotsa foods and weewee in the strange lady's bed and hide behind the TV so's she can't get me out. And it's sooooooooo much fun!
When I first camed out nobody liked me. And big scary Milliecat sayed sssss all the time but she played chaseys with me all over the place! And the big scary Tiacat sayed rrrrrow and -pffff acuz she can't say
sssss proply and she sayed reeeeow too in a real loud voice when I jumped on her and tried to bite her on the nose. But I was only playing! And the strange lady human didn't even telled them off even though they was being real, real nasty to me acuz she sayed that I gotta learn some manners and that it's rude to try and bite othercats noses and chew their whiskers and smack them lotsa and lotsa in the face even if I am only playing!
And for a long time, the othercats eated all my yummy food so's I hadda keep going and asking the strange lady human for more and more. And she sayed that I was eating like a little piggy but I don't know what a little piggy is so I don't know how they eated things. And she sayed that I was getting a nice fat tummy and I sayed hush strange lady human and gimme more foods!
And she sayed that I'm a scruff all acuz when I eat I mash all of my face into the bowl so's I can eat real, real fast and so's nobdy else can have any. And so what if foods goes up my nose or in my eyes acuz she cleans it all out again! And then I get down real, real low so's my ruff and my chin and evrything's all in the foods bowl and then she sayed that it makes me scraggy at the front and I need lotsa and lotsa cleaning all the time!
And I'm not snotty no more. But I don't say prrrr no more neither. I like to sleep on the strange lady human's knee, but when she rubs me, I just carry on sleepin or get up and walk away. She sayed that she hopes I growed outta that and that Milliecat did the same thing when she was my age and that I'd learn to say prrrr again hopefully. I say that if she keeps doing horrid things to me like brushing my fat tummy or pulling me out from behind the TV when I'm having a great time chewing all the wires and pulling everything down that I'm never gonna prrrr for her ever again!
And I sometimes sleep with the strange lady human at night and I sometimes don't. And now all the othercats like me. And me and Milliecat play chaseys all the time now and we runrunrunrun real fast evrywhere and we have a coooool time! And me and Tiacat snuggle close by each other now and she only smacks me if I try to smack her in the face or bite her nose or something, else she likes me well enough and even sometimes cleans me but never when the strange lady human can see. And Milliecat and Tiacat like each other better now acuz Tiacat gets peace acuz me and Milliecat do all the playing and then we can all come back to Tiacat when we're tired and ready for snuggling. But Milliecat's getting awful, awful fat. Whenever she sits down now her tummy looks real, real big and she doesn't like it if I jump on it no more and she'll smack me if I do it and that's not nice! And Tiacat's walking around again shouting and she keeps sticking her bumbum up in
the air and she's weird! But she's good fun acuz then I get to attack her tail but she doesn't like it much but I don't care!
But the most bestest bit yet is that I gotted my very own name! The strange lady human and the somebodypeoples that the others call Dogman thinked real, real hard for a long time and then the strange lady human decided that I should get Gabby as my very own name acuz I'm Gobby Gabby. I dunno why she sayed that acuz now I only say tiny, teeny meows, but she says it's on accounta the racket I maked when I
first gotted here, so she knows I can be gobby when I wanna be.
So, I'm Gabby. Does any of you somebodypeoples like that?
Saturday, 16 June 2012
Wednesday, 13 June 2012
sick any more! But I don't think I'm a girlcat any more neither. Let
me tell you all about it.
So, on the day after I last writed, my human went to work like normal
and left me for a million years! Whenever she came back, she went and
got the stinky PTU from where she hides it, and then she put a nice
soft blanket in the bottom and then she put a nice soft me in on top!
And I said weeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooooooooow! Just like that! And she
taked me outside to the big growly monster called car. And we got
inside Car with another ladypeople who I get to give a name to! See? I
must be a ladycat now cuz before it was only mummycat who gave names
to somebodies, and she's a ladycat and now it's my turn and so maybe
I'm a ladycat!
But anyway, I think I'm gonna call this lady somebody Showgirl cuz I always see her when we're going to a show. She's real nice. She calls me "Hello Milliecat!" and I like it. So she drived us way, way far away, at least a whole 10 minutes! And then we got to another house, and when we went inside I gotted real ascared cuz I could smell lotsa other cats and they weren't my mummycat. So I hided right at the back of the stinky PTU and I hided my face under my blanket. But then another lady somebody came and she talked to me and she said "Are you hidin, scaredycat?" And even though I knowed she said it with a smileyface cuz her voice was smiley, I ain't no scaredycat! So I popped out my face and I said "Weeeeowwww!" just like that! And she made the laugh noise. And then they sat and talked so's I could feel more comfy with the new smells. But then the lady somebody taked me away from my human and Showgirl and she put me in a new place. And half of it was outside where my human said I was never allowed to go on my own, but it was Ok, cuz it had walls and stuff and so it wasn't really outside even though it was!
And there was a stinky mancat in there! My human says he was beautiful, but he really was stinky! And I said hello to him and he said hello to me and he kept sniffing me a lot and following me wherever I went.
I didn't notice when my human went home, and even though I missed her, I didn't cry cuz only babycats cry and I'm not a babycat! I made real good friends with the stinky mancat, and we played together and ate
together and we even cuddled! But that wasn't good enough for the people somebody, cuz she said, "Ah, not again. You always want them to love you before you do the deed, and we haven't got time for you to
mess around again! This poor girl needs to be mated!" I didn't know what she was talking about, but she taked me away from my new stinky friend and said something about letting me meet a mancat that was more
experienced and would get the job done.
I did meet another mancat. This one was old, but he wasn't boring like my old, fat mummycat! He was real, real interested in me. He followed me that close that I hadda say sssssss to him, and I even said grrrrrrr! I know that's not good manners, but my mummycat swears at the mancats too when they get too pushy, so I was only copying her!
Now that I'm sorta a ladycat, I can say that I won't talk about what happened over the next 2 days, cuz a ladycat doesn't talk about things like that. But, all you somebodies, we did what we needed to do. I gotta say, the cure for my sick was kinda nice! And mummycat was right when she said I'd enjoy myself!
On Monday, Showgirl camed back with the horrible PTU and she taked me home. I gived my new mancat friend a little kissie byebye, and then went back in Car and home to see mummycat. Sept that mummycat was even grumpier than usual! She said sssss and rrrrrrrrr lots to me and she even tried to give me smackypaw! She said I stinked like a stinky mancat! But my mancat friend wasn't stinky! This went on all night even when my human gotted back from her day hunting place. She kept telling mummycat to be nice, but mummycat never listens. So yesterday, my human said "Right, girls, that's enough of this. You've asked for it!" And then she taked mummycat into the bathroom and cleaned her with lotsa water. And then she did it to me too so's we'd both smell the same. And ever since then mummycat has just been her normal grumpy. But I don't care, cuz I got the best spot to sleep up by the human's head last night, so nya to you, mummycat!
And that's all about my adventure. My human says that I shouldn't get sick now for a very long time, or at least, I'd better not get sick. Then she laughed. Crazy human!
Thursday, 7 June 2012
Friends, I haven't writed in ages and ages and ages and forever! That stupid human says that I'm not allowed on the puter desk cuz last time I was up there I runned all over the keyboard thingy and sent lotsa messages to all her friends on something called messenger. And none of her stinky friends liked me all that much, cuz they all complained! So now i don't get to go up there any more, so I can only talk to you all when she's here and will do it for me. My human says that this is my last night as a babycat, but I don't know what she's talking about, cuz I'm not a babycat anyway. I'm a girlcat, and everybody somebody knows that you get to be a girlcat till your first birthday and then you might get to call yourself a ladycat. But I don't never wanna be a ladycat cuz they're all fat and grumpy and booooooooring like my mummycat! Set the nice ones, of course. She says that you don't get to be a babycat or a girlcat any more after you've been to stay at the house of a boycat. But boycats are big and stinky and, well, interesting! I'm sick again, all my friends. This is the fifth time it's happened now, and my human says that the only way to get over the illness is to go and spend some time with a very nice mancat. She says he'll help me get better, but everybody somebody knows that mancats are stinkier than boycats! I like mancats while I'm sick though, so perhaps it won't be too bad. My mummycat whispered in my ear that I was off to have a good time, cuz I'd be going to spend time with the mancat that she went to see. She says he's lovely and he'll be nice to me and I'll enjoy it... Then she laughed behind her paw. But I don't know, all my friends. I've never been to a mancat's house before. Will he have comfy beds to lie in? My mummycat says yes, but that I'll have to share with him. Then she laughed again. But I'm not stupid, and I know that if you share a bed with another cat somebody, the cat somebody will bop you on the head and give you smackypaw and bunnykick you till you get out. My mummycat taught me that one, so I dunno why she's telling porkies about me having to share with him!
Wednesday, 9 May 2012
You might not even recognise me any more cuz I've growed so much and I can say big words now and everything, but I promise you it's still me! And I still love you all and I'm still your friend!
Hey, there's lots going on here that my human says I can tell you all about. And I have some really, reallllllly exciting news that I'll tell you at the end so's you'll keep reading and not run away while I'm writing stuffs to you somebodies.
But first, can you somebodies tell me if I'm sick? I think I must be. There's been two whole times now where I've feeled real, real weird. I don't know why I'm doing it, but I feel like I gotta walk around the house and lay on the floor with my bumbum up in the air. Sorry, I know that's rude, but mummycat says it's Ok to say bumbum now! And when I have my bumbum in the air, then it feels good to hold my tail over to one side. And then I know I gotta shout and shout till the human somebody comes and scratches my tail for me cuz that feels good and then I go quiet. But, you somebodies, the thing that worries me the mostest is that I think my brain is sick. Why? Cuz every time I'm lying on the floor with my bumbum in the air, I can't help thinking
about stinky mancats! And suddenly they aren't as stinky any more! My sick brain tells me that it would be fun to go be friends with some stinky mancats, but that's stupid, cuz every girlcat knows that all mancats and boycats are stinky, even the nice ones like Scoutey and all the other mancats that live with the Katnips!
Is there any cure for my condition? Do I gotta go see the horrible vet lady person somebody who sticked a big, biiiiiig needle in my neck when I was a tiny babycat? I don't wanna go, but I think I might need to!
I don't know why my human somebody isn't worried either, cuz usually she worries like crazypants if I get sick or if mummycat gets sick. But maybe she's sick too, cuz she got all excited whenever I started putting my bumbum up and telling her all about it. She doesn't know that there's something wrong with me, even though I telled her and telled her and telled her! In fact, I telled her so much that my human somebody says I didn't shut up for the whole 5 days that I was calling. I don't know what calling is, but I wasn't. I was sick! Silly human somebody!
Thankfully, this sick thingy goes away after a bit, but it always comes back! My human somebody says please could I work on toning down the constant chirping and talking to her all the time, even in the night, but I say I'll do that whenever she fixes my sick head! So, you somebody friends, can any of you somebodies tell me what's going on, and what the cure for it is? I don't want to be sick enough to think that stinky mancats might be nice!
Right, now the real, real exciting bit. Our big news! My human somebody's been on the talky telephone thingy lots and lots over the last couple of days, and she's been getting real, real excited, but she didn't tell me why until yesterday when she said, "Well, Millie, that's it done and dusted. She'll be coming in 5 weeks!" I was a bit confused, so I asked her to splain herself to me. Well, get this! Somebodies, I will be getting a new little sistercat in 5 weeks! I don't know how long 5 weeks is, but the human somebody said it wasn't tomorrow, so it's gonna be forever before she gets here! And I can't wait! She's coming from Scot Land which my human says is real far away. Doesn't Scot live with the Katnips? Hey, is my new babycat sistercat coming from the Katnips? My human says there's another Scot Land, but I wanna be sure!
My sistercat is 7 weeks old now, and she's the same colour as my mummycat, a seal tortie point. The human says that her ladypeople says she's the boss and the leader of her gang of brothers and sisters, but we'll just see about that when she gets here! She'll be smaller than me anyway, so I'll be boss sistercat first! Sept that mummycat is the boss of me, so maybe she'll win. Oh, oh, oh, I can't wait! And neither can the human somebody! The human says she's from really nice bloodlines whatever that means, but I don't care. I need a sistercat to play with and to boss and to cuddle up with, cuz mummycat doesn't like to cuddle with me cuz she says I have no manners and jump on her head and attack her ears and her whiskers when she's trying to sleep. Well, she shouldn't have ears and whiskers then!
Lotsa smoochies to you all, somebody friends!
Thursday, 3 May 2012
two years ago today that my human came and found me in my last home.
Do you know that she wasn't even convinced she wanted a Persian when
she came to see me?
It was all down to Bug sweet talking her into coming, so I owe him a
lot of smoochies! She wanted a short haired cat (the nerve!), but her
and Bug were taking a trip to this far, far away place to introduce
Bug to some friends of hers. They were looking at cats on the internet
for ages, and then they came across an advert for Persians for sale in
the place they were going to. Although the human thought it was
pointless going, Bug convinced her with the idea that even if she
didn't find her perfect cat (don't be too hard on her, she didn't know
me back then), she'd get lots of free cat cuddles. My human's not hard
to convince, so off they went.>
I didn't hear the human come into my last house, cuz I was kept in a
room right at the top of the house and the old slave's yappy little
dogs were screaming cuz they heard a new people and wanted to see. But
when everything was quiet, the slave came and got me and brought me
I liked the look of them straight away, and went to sit on Bug's lap
while my human cuddled one of the younger kittens. While she was busy
trying to make the kitten not scared, I was cosying up to Bug. Ok, I
mighta slapped him once, but he deserved it! He was rubbing the yummy
tummy without permission! Bug doesn't mind cats smacking him anyway,
cuz when he was helping the human pick out her new cat, he
deliberately pushed all the cats he met so that he would provoke us a
little and could look at how we reacted to being annoyed. The human
was very frightened of teeth and claws, so it was important that the
cat she had would be nice to her.
Well, I didn't draw blood, and Bug obviously liked my tortitude, cuz
he took the little kitten from the human and I got to cuddle her
instead! I let her rub the yummy tummy, and although I held onto her,
I did it with my claws in. I knew she was the one for me, even if she
didn't know it yet.
After a little while, Bug and the human went away. I was confused.
They'd left me behind, and they'd even said the horrible BATH word.
Were they going to punish me? But I'd done nothing wrong! And I so
wanted to go home with them!
I went back to my room, sad that I hadn't been able to convince them
that the human was the one for me. What I didn't know was that the
human and Bug went back to their hotel, and she agonised all night
about whether or not to take me. She said stupid things like, "But
she's a long-hair," and, "But she slapped you," and, "But I don't even
have a carrier with me. I wasn't expecting to take one home, and I
don't have time to buy one. We're leaving tomorrow!" All Bug had to do
was convince her, and he did it very, very well. He used lotsa words,
but all he said in the end as he laughed at her was, "Look, you stupid
woman, forget the hair. She's everything you're looking for!
Handleable, cuddly, polite, gentle, and she gets on with other cats!
Just phone the lady and have done already or I'll do it for you."
Goooooooo Bug! He should have his own cheer leader team for that
After about eleventy-zilion more "what if's", she finally admitted
that Bug was right and that she was being stupid. Well, there's a
I heard the phone ring, and pricked up my ears. Was it her? Next thing
I know, the last slave has grabbed me and is bathing me to get rid of
all the other cat smells. I complained, but she didn't listen.
Instead, she stuffed me into a horrible PTU, put me in a horrible car,
and drove for ages.
I was scared out of my whits! I wasn't used to travelling back then,
and the only time I'd seen a car was when they took me to the horrible
VET. I cuddled at the back of my PTU and tried to disappear. After a
hundred years, we got to a house and the old slave took my PTU inside.
There was my human!
If I hadn't been so scared, I would have been glad, but it was all a
bit much for me, and I just hid. I don't mind admitting that now, but
I haven't been scared since, oh no!
Suddenly, I wasn't so sure that this was a good idea, especially as my
old slave was walking away. I didn't cry, but I looked after her and
asked her to take me back home to my mummycat and my friends that I
lived with, but she didn't listen. She just left.
My human and Bug made nice talk noise to me through the front of the
PTU, but I just hid. Then we drove some more, and they then took me on
a big, loud, growly monster called Train. When it pulled into the
station, I was so scared that I almost peed my fluffy pants! But when
we were on there, it wasn't so bad.
It was during that long journey that I started to remember that I'd
made the right choice. Instead of ignoring me, my human and then Bug
took me out of the PTU for cuddles. The human made a place so that I
could hide my head under her arm when I was scared. Then, in the dark,
I could pretend I wasn't in the tummy of a big growly monster, and I
could just enjoy the lovin.
We had to change to another growly monster called train, and in the
station, I got so frightened that I started to jump around inside my
PTU. I jumpws so hard that the bottom gave and the door almost fell
out. My human said she almost cried then, cuz I was in pure panic
mode. She's never seen me like that again, and she says she hopes she
never will, cuz it broke her heart to see me like that.
After ages, we got to a new house that smelled of another cat and of
different smells, and of the human. I got taken to a quiet little warm
room and then the PTU was opened, but I didn't want to come out. That
was Ok though. The human just left me be to explore on my own and get
used to things.
Ever since that day, I have loved my human, and Bug, cuz he's part of
the reason I'm here, after all. I've come such a long way in the last
few years. When I arrived, I was so scared that I'd run from my own
shadow. I would hide a lot, and wouldn't say hello to visitors. Now, I
happily travel in the tummy of the big growly monster called train,
and even ask to come out of my PTU and go on a harness so that I can
sit on the human's knee and say hello to peoples. I complain all the
way in the car instead of staying like a quiet little mouse, and,
although I'm still really frightened of fast moving feet and sudden
noises, I don't hide for hours any more. I'm content that my human
loves me despite all my quirks. She says she loves me more because of
them, and I think I even believe her!
I celebrated the lead up to my gotcha day by being whisked off to a
fancy hotel to be milk and tunaed by a very handsome mancat. The
weather wasn't great, but we spent four very happy days together
despite the rain and thunder. In fact, it was kinda cosy being inside
and listening to the wind howling outside. Of course, we had to cuddle
up together for warmth, and, well, one thing led to another and...
Well, he really is a very nice mancat! My human came to get me when
I'd decided that I really couldn't stay on holiday any longer as I had
responsibilities at home, you know, a human and the baby to look
after. All that, erm, holidaying, tired me out though, and I slept
hard all the next day! I came home on Tuesday, and my human is amazed
at the change in my temperament. I'm much more cuddly than normal, and
love to sleep on her or on the sofa behind her head. She says this is
unusual cuz I haven't been like that for over a year now. Really
though, I'm just sucking up to her so she'll give me lots of tuna.
Mind you, that being said, I feel much more mellow than usual. Mancats
seem to have that effect on me. Or perhaps, just perhaps, it's the
things growing in my yummy tummy that make me feel so good...
Yep, can't think of a better way to celebrate my gotcha than that.
They are starting to implant into the uterine walls today. How fitting
it is that this happens on the day I implanted myself firmly into my
human's heart forever.
Wednesday, 11 April 2012
She forgot my Birthday! Yes, friends, you read that right, she actually forgot! I woke her nice and early on Sunday morning with lots of head rubbing and purrs and kneading, and do you know what she said? "Ah,
Tia, it's only 4:30 and I don't have to get up for work today. Go away, you purry monster, and let me sleep!" She did give me scritches, but that's not the point. But I'm a nice ladycat, so after I was done getting my cuddles, I allowed her a lie in, then went back and woke her again. "Ah, Tia, it's only 4:45, and I don't have to get up for work today." That lazy lout didn't get up until gone 5 AM! And even then, all she did was complain. "You've got enough food in your bowls to feed a small army of cats who're on an extended campaign, Tia. Why on earth did you get me up!" I'd had enough now, so I ignored her all the rest of the morning. She got madder and muttered something about "darn cat doesn't even want to know me now she's got me up," but my mind was elsewhere.
Now, we polite cats know that it's not polite to tell peoples that it's our Birthday, so I just waited and waited in the knowledge that there's no way she could ever forget me. The morning rolled by and there was no sign of tuna. The afternoon showed up, and I wasn't given any prawns. And then the evening popped in to say hello, and still my bowl was devoid of any sign of cod. Friends, the injustice of that hurt terribly, even more so when she started to play with Computer instead of me. And then, all of a sudden, "Oh, Tia! It's your
Birthday! I've just seen comments from your friends, and I forgot!" At last, I thought. Now comes the good stuff. But even that was short lived.
"Oh but Tia," said she, "I haven't even bought you a present!" Well, my hopes fell at that point, and I went back to ignoring her. I'm so mis-treated in this house that I think somebody needs to call the RSPCA on my behalf. I mean, whoever heard of a ladycat's fifth Birthday being forgotten! That's terrible cruelty! I haven't worked out how to use these new touch screen phone things yet though, so I can't call them myself, and anyway, they're not clever enough to understand Felinese. Do any of you have a sympathetic people I could
borrow to do the job for me? I'm desperate here!
So what did I do on my Birthday? Well, nothing really. I ate the subsistance rations I was offered. I slept in the new bed on the yummy scratchy post. I beat up Millie just cuz she was annoying me, and most importantly, I hunted for a mancat, but I couldn't find one! There's a nice boy that keeps coming into the garden, and he even anointed the human's wash basket that she'd left out there while her laundry was
drying on the line. I was very, very interested in it when she brought it back inside, but she's such a kill joy that she just took the basket away from me and scrubbed it out, saying bad things about that "dirty mancat" while she did it. How dare she!
Well, life goes on as always here. I'm done looking for mancats, well, for today anyway. My human says she's found one for me and that I can go and see him next time I feel that I'd like to, so I'm excited! The kitten still doesn't understand about my urges at all, and I'm quite happy for it to stay that way. The human apparently is too. "One grumpy, hormonal female at a time in the house is enough thank you," is what she said right before I smacked her, then ran off to beat up the baby cuz she dared to sit where I wanted to. She's so rude sometimes!
So, I'd like to thank all of you who came by to wish me a happy birthday and, unlike my human, didn't forget me! At least I know who my real friends are!
The photos from the show finally arrived, so here's a few of me and the baby for you to enjoy!
Monday, 19 March 2012
Friends, I must write and tell you all about what's been going on here since we last wrote. The human slacks terribly when it comes to writing, and to be honest, I've pretty much given up on the idea of ever having a regular update on this blog any more. She says that as she's day hunting for such a long time every day, it doesn't really give her much time to write. She's lost touch with all of the peoples she met through blogging too. She says this is cuz Computer keeps deleting email addresses, and it will only sometimes let her leave comments. If anybody wants to get in touch though, she'll answer an email. She might even be able to bully Computer into giving her some lost addresses this week, as she says she's "regressing the software to an earlier version which should help". I don't have a clue what she's talking about, friends, but regression sounds painful. I hope it is. I hate computer! Well, except when he's playing nicely and letting the human tippy-tap what I tell her to so's you can all read it.
Life continues as ever here, except that the human is trying to introduce new kinds of stinky goodness into the diet. Millie's tummy turns ever so un-yummy whenever the human does this, and it makes her trips to the litter tray a bit of an event in our house. The human is to be seen lurking right outside the entrance to scoop her and clean her whenever she's done. My kitten hasn't managed the art of remaining clean even with a runny bum yet. Mind you, one of the flavours upset my yummy tummy too, and that takes some doing! Needless to say, that food has been removed for now. The horrible human hasn't given up on it altogether though. She has ideas of sneaking bits in with our normal stinky goodness in the hopes that our tummies won't rebell if we get it in small portions. She won't fool us though!
Luckily, the kitten got herself better in time for Saturday, as we had a big show to go to! Millie was in a very fancy pen which the human said was called an exhibition pen. I got to go in there for a while too, but was swiftly removed whenever I politely pushed Millie out of the way to eat her foods, then ever so politely tapped her with my paw until she jumped out of her bed so that I could steal, I mean lie in it. The human would have it said that I barged her out of the way to get to the food bowl and that I used smackypaw of doom with claws out to get her out of her bed, but really, you can't be expected to believe such poor lies. I mean, me? Be rude? You know this isn't possible!
I was soon taken to my own pen which was drab in comparison to the kitten's. Mine didn't have nice, fancy curtains or a padded mat. It was the same colour as everyone else's, and it didn't have a nice, frilly bed to lie in! It was barren! I was left to sit in the middle of a stinking cage, to rest my poor bones on nothing more than a warm, padded, fluffy fleece blanket, to drink nothing but water from a bowl and to have nothing to eat except a pile of dry foods. The privation was terrible! I almost didn't survive!
There was one good thing though. My prison was one of a row of prison cells with peoples jeering and taunting us with horrid phrases like, "hello, puddin. Want a cuddle?" and, "I'm gonna come back and take you out in a minute for some lovins and brushing. You enjoy that, don't you!" and, "Oh, what a pretty ladycat you are!" My prisonmates were similarly stoic when it came to the peoples taunting. We all sat in silence. Ok, so I rolled around and showed my yummy tummy, and I even slept upside down for a while, and I might have even said miaow a couple of times, but while I was making my feelings of outrage clear, I couldn't help but notice that either side of me were boys, very handsome boys who weren't like the usual braggarts. They didn't say anything rude or sallacious to me. They didn't make innuendos, and they didn't ask me if I was free this evening. One settled down to sleep, and the other one was making love eyes and head rubbies on the bars where my human was standing. They were so nice that I didn't even feel the need to hiss! In fact, I found eau de mancat very, very interesting. My human, trator that she is, went and cuddled the boy next door for a while in the afternoon, but he was so nice that I didn't even mind his stink on her. She says that he owned a friend of hers, and she'd been asked to feed him and love on him while his slave was helping the peoples in white coats that take us out and say how pretty we are. I only wish I'd been instructed to love on him a bit too!...
Anyway, my human disappeared after that as she usually does, and took all the other peoples with her. When everywhere was quiet, the peoples in white coats came to have a cuddle of us all. They cuddle strangely. They love on us by feeling our heads, checking our teeths, looking in our eyes, touching all over us, but then they finish with a normal cuddle session.
I had quite a few peoples to come and look at me. The first one said that I was absolutely scrummy. I won't go into detail about what she said, as a modest ladycat would never boast, but she said some words that I know would make the human very pleased. Some other peoples came and cuddled me, but I didn't like them as they gave me no prizes. the last people in the white coat was an old ladypeople who really knows how to cuddle good! She liked me too.
In the meantime, the human had come back and gone to see the kitten who was having a whale of a time! She had absolutely wrecked the pen. Just as she was leaving, she said that she saw the kitten stand on the edge of her bed which is raised up, then take a big jump into the middle of the pile of cushions, grab one and start rolling around with it. When she came back though, she discovered that Millie had gone swimming in her water, kicked the bowl over, flipped her bed, spread the cushions around, and then had dug her way under the mat with her straw so that she could kill it in peace. She wasn't frightened, as she came straight out whenever the human came back. She got taken out for lots and lots of cuddles which she absolutely loved! She met lots of nice peoples who said what a lovely, purry girlcat she was. Well, of course she's lovely. She's my babycat! Some of the peoples even came to see me and give me lotsa cuddles, and I didn't even grump at them! I only grumbled when they wanted to put me back in my pen, but I'll admit secretly to you, dear friends, that I only grumbled cuz I was enjoying the cuddles so much and cuz being out gave me the opportunity to stare in at the handsome mancats!
My human got really, really pleased when she first came back to see me. "Tia," she said as she slobbered kisses all over me (Ok, I purred, but I'll never admit it to anyone else), "You've got a CC! Do you know what that means, Puddin?" "Miaow," I said, and she agreed, "Yes, that's right. That means that you're now a GCCF champion! Isn't that fab?"
Well, of course it's fab! I started showing back in the summer of 2010, and although I did nothing regular up until a few months ago, it's taken me 2 years from start to finish to get that title. I went through nine shows to gather all the certificates I needed, and me and the human are just so thrilled that we're finally here!
I told her in no uncertain terms that she should buy me something real, real nice to celebrate, and do you know what she said? She picked me up, gave me a squidge and said, "too slow, girlie. I already have bought you and that monkey of a kitten the most wonderful thing! Just wait till you see!"
The full extent of what she had done didn't become apparent until we arrived home later that evening. After a lot of clattering, a bit of swearing (on Dogman's part only, as a good ladypeople would never swear...) and some grunting as they moved things around, my palace was ready! She had bought me the most wonderful new scratching post! We'll put photos up when we have them, but basically it's a gorgeous pinky granite base, lovely big, thick poles, a soft platform bed that sinks in the middle so that you're real, real cosy in it, a hanging hammock underneath, and a gorgeous full wicker basket on the very top post. She complained that it cost her a small fortune, but I told her that I didn't mind that, and that I was worth it anyway.
After the show, myself and the human had a long talk. We've decided that for now, I'll be retired from showing to have some yummy babies. She's found a gorgeous mancat for me to go and spend time with, and anyway, now that spring is here, I'm feeling the urge to make more. Meanwhile, my babycat will take up the mantle of showcat extraordinaire. I give it to her gladly!
I had some photos taken of me on the day, but I don't know how they'll turn out. They put me in the photo booth right after a big, stinky mancat had been in there. He was rude. He left his calling card so that I'd know he'd been there and was willing to help me in the making babies game, but I wasn't interested! I had to hiss and spit at the flashy box a few times just to get my message across. The human says she'll post photos when we get them anyway.
For now, I'll just be happy with my new title of Champion Catarosa Dolly Mixture. Doesn't that sound grand! All the grander when you've worked out that, being such a highly titled cat, you're entitled to extra perks such as more stinky goodness, more frequent tuna sessions, and extra sleepy time in the bestest scratchy post ever!
Wednesday, 29 February 2012
Friends, yesterday was another one of those days which makes me
wonder how peoples survived for as long as they have, and progressed
as much as they have, with their absolutely crazy waste of resources.
Let me discuss further, but first, I must warn that what follows is
not to be encouraged in any of your peoples. It's not pretty, and it
certainly isn't smart.
It has to do with water, you know, the stuff you need to drink to
stay alive? Ask any self-respecting cat to list the uses of water and
he'll say, "Uses? But there's only one, well, perhaps two if drowning
your prey in it could be classified as a use," and he'd be right. Ask
a people, however, and I think you'd find that you got a vastly
different answer. Take yesterday, for example.
It all started with the human picking up Millie apparently just for
a cuddle. My kitten, as much as I love her, has moments where she's
almost as dumb as a people, because when the human started to walk
towards the bathroom, Millie just carried on purring and brrrrrping to
her instead of putting up a token struggle to be let free. I
scarpered. I'm not stupid, and I knew what was coming.
Enter the first waste of water, the waste on grooming. I've had
this bathing thing done to me many times in preparation for shows, and
while it does strip the dirt out of my coat, so does a good tongue
washing, and the latter conserves resources much better. As if
throwing tons of water down the plug-hole isn't bad enough, she adds
smelly horrible shampoos to it which mean that, even if it could be
rescued by some miracle, it's no longer drinkable.
I know that peoples tongues are vastly inferior to ours, but they
still produce saliva, and they can still reach to wash parts of their
body. Ok, so they're not as flexible as us, nor would they be so well
cleaned, but surely this small sacrifice is worth it when it means the
conservation of water?
I usually try and educate her when she's giving me a bath. I talk
her through all the good reasons to save water, why we shouldn't just
get rid of it when it's a life saver. She just tells me to stop
shouting and says things like "Anyone would think I'm killing you
instead of just washing you with all that chattering". That lady never
listens to sense, even when it is shouted at her. I've heard her
intimate in the past that my shouting begins when the water is turned
off, and quietens immediately when I've got the warm water flowing on
me again. I've heard her intimate that this is because I'm being a
"stroppy madam," and because I want the hot water back. What lies she
tells! Let me tell you what's going on. I shout when the water is
turned off firstly with joy that she's seen sense, then with
increasing desperation as she makes moves to turn the water back on. I
scream at her to think before acting, to consider the poor alleycats
who have no water. I give up when the shower comes back on because I
sink into despair at my human's utter ignorance and inability to see
Then there's the matter of litterboxes. Now, we've already
discussed peoples litterbox habbits last year, how they foul up a
whole bowl of water by doing their unmentionables in it, and how wrong
I thought that was. But friends, they even wash out the propper
litterboxes in water. They actually fill a dirty box to the brim with
water, then wash out all the bits. Then my human fills it again, adds
horrible smelly stuff to it and scrubs. Then it gets emptied and
filled a third time so that the last of the smelly stuff is washed
Now, in my book, filling a litterbox with water at all is a shame
and disgrace. Just change the litter every now and again, and that's
all it needs. But to fill a box three times is just down right
terrible. Considering that we have 4 boxes in our house, that's a lot
of water gone. Even one box full of the stuff would keep me and the
kitten drinking for weeks. Multiply it by 12 and the tragedy of it is
that much worse.
I've tried to educate the human, I really have, but after seeing
her behaviour yesterday, I think I'm going to have to give up on her
totally unless any of you out there have any good tips for stopping
this attrocity. If you do, I'd love to hear from you. Unlike certain
others I could mention, I actually care about conservation. When you
consider that our county is currently experiencing drout, the
repurcussions of her actions are clear. In fact, I wouldn't be at all
surprised if it turned out that she was the sole reason for the drout
in the first place! Come on, friends, help me out here. Surely your
peoples aren't as thoughtless as this one?
Now, today's a special day that only comes once every four years.
My human says that today is the day that ladies can ask their man
friends to marry them. While I won't be so forward as to propose
marriage (I'm not a ladycat who likes to be tied down... More of a
free spirit if you catch my meaning), if you're a mancat and
interested, then believe me, I'd be pleased to hear from you. Too
pleased according to my human who says she hasn't had a propper
night's sleep since Friday with all my shouting. Lots of you live all
the way across the pond though, so a ladycat's gotta shout really loud
to get your attention, doesn't she!
Smoochies to you all.
Monday, 13 February 2012
Hi there, friends. I'll steal this opportunity to write to you all while the house is nice and peaceful. How can it be with a kitten in it, I hear you ask. Well, she's asleep after tiring herself out by running after our new toy, but more on that in a minute.
It feels like ages since we last talked, but I tend to let the kitten do her thing on here as she has so much to say and share with you all. She's so enthusiastic about the new things she's learning and all the places she's exploring that I think it's nice for her to be able to share. I tend to grab the quieter moments when I can write to you all because that suits me a whole lot better.
The human abandoned us last week, cruelly left us to fend for ourselves in the terrible elements. It got down to -18 degrees C over here, and she just didn't care! There's no point sending the RSPCA to our rescue, friends, cuz she'll just mutter something about "but they were indoors and the heating was on", and of course, because the RSPCA have only the brains of peoples which aren't great at the best of times, they'll believe her that we were at least warm. But friends, -18! That was horrendous! And trying to find your own foods in that weather is awful. Even the mousies hide! Again, don't send the RSPCA. She'd tell them that Dogman was here and fed us all the time, but there wasn't the variety, friends. my human rotates our foods for different flavours, and sometimes she mashes it and sometimes she leaves it in chunks. Sometimes she adds water, sometimes a crumbled treat on the top. Dogman? He just opened a packet, tipped it into a bowl and set it down. Why did I ever like him?
The human had the decency to come back just as we were both at death's door. The kitten was so distressed that she ran up to greet her straight away, meowing and purring and climbing on her in an obvious attempt to communicate to the dim thing, "Thank cod you're home. It was awful here without you, and look at how skinny I am! Ignore the tummy, please. It's bloated because I, um, didn't eat anything just a few minutes ago." I, on the other hand, was just too weak to move. I stayed in my near dead state cuddled into the only thick, fluffy blanket I could find, eyes closed, on my back, paws over my head (everybody knows you go belly up when you're about to die), and death rattling. My human says this was a snore, but everybody knows ladycats don't snore, and anyway, why would I be snoring when I was nearly dead? I roused myself as soon as I heard the rattle of the foods bowl, but that was instinct, pure self preservation. The rubbing round her feet and the miaowing wasn't my doing. it was my basic brain kicking in to tell me this was the best way of getting foods. The purring was just the icing on the cake, as was the human cuddling that followed shortly afterward.
I had recovered sufficiently by Saturday to consider attending a cat show, just to shmooze with my adoring public. I'm glad I did! As usual, I pretended to be a grump first thing in the morning (well, can't make it too easy, can I?) but this soon settled when I realised that I wasn't penned next to any stinky boys. Well, I did have one next to me, but he was a sweety really, and wasn't interested in doing anything that a ladycat doesn't talk about with me. Anyway, he was a brown tabby and white, and I know I can't do the unmentionable with a bicolour anyway, as my babies wouldn't be registerable. So I didn't get in a strop with him like I did with the very handsome colourpoint mancat at the last show. By the time the afternoon came, I was giving head bumpies to some of the peoples that came to cuddle me. One ladypeople held me so long that I even gave her a kiss, but only one, and only cuz she was so nice and she gave me kissies and said to my human and me over and over again what a pretty girlie I was and how she loved me. Of course, she said the same about the kitten, but that's understandable. She is my kitten, after all.
My human was all over the place, talking to peoples, putting on those funny white clothes which mean she'll be helping one of the judges with cats (stewarding, she calls it), cuddling other cats. I did permit this as it reminds her just how yummy I am. She did fall in love with a curly Selkirk Rex though, and said that one day we might have one of those too as they're so scrummy, but I just sighed and said nothing. She goes through these phases every now and again, and we always come out the other side minus the new cat, so I'm not too worried.
Soon the results came in, and I've never seen my human so happy in a long time. The kitten had got first prize in her open class, the most important one, and had even managed to take Best of Breed! Not only that, but she then went on to win another class which had a cash prize! I, on the other hand, scored big. I got my second challenge certificate and came first in my open. This means that I need only one more CC and I can then call myself a GCCF champion. How grand is that! I got third in a side class which I was also pleased about. In celebration, I instructed the human to go and spend Millie's winnings on a new toy for us. I thought that the kitten was too young to be expected to spend her moneys wisely as she was muttering something about giving it to the human so that we'd all have won something on the day, so I felt it better to take charge before that crazy notion got too far. My kitten's too nice, sometimes.
So off the human went, and came back with a toy called Under Cover Mouse from Panic Mouse. We got to play with it when we got home, and it's so exciting that I even overcame my initial nervousness that I have of all things new, and played with it without the human having to show me that it was all right and wasn't going to bite me. It's a circular bit of material which covers an electronic pretend mousie who zips around underneath it with only his tail poking out the edge. You gotta catch it under the cover and pin it, but whenever you do, he changes direction and runs away again. He's impossible to kill propperly! No matter what you do to him, he stays alive! For any cat who attacks feets and things under covers, this is such a good toy! Get 'em quick though, cuz they aren't making them for too much longer.
I finished up my day by yelling in the horrible PTU all the way home (well, it's the principle of the thing), then curling up for a good wash and a nap. I'm very pleased with myself and my kitten. We had a super day!
Well, until next time, friends. If you can't be good, be very, very bad... It's much more fun anyway.
Saturday, 4 February 2012
Hihihihihihihihi all my somebody friends! It's me again! And I got lots to tell you. Well, it's not really lots unless I can think of lotsa things to say, but I can't tell you another things I thinked on Thursday cuz it isn't Thursday today, so that would be silly! Anyway, I thinked that I would just tell you some things anyway. Is that all right?
So, the first thing is that my human has a change of work hunting place today. She says this is normal, that in her job contract, whatever that is, she has to change the place she day hunts in every three months so that she does the same day hunting, but just in a different place. And I thinked that was pretty silly, cuz if you hunt in the same place for three whole months which is the same as forever, then there'll be no mousies or balls or money papers left to hunt cuz you'd have catched them all. Then I thinked that perhaps the human wasn't a very good hunter which is why it might take her that long to catch all the things before she changes the place. And then I thinked, but what if the mousies and the balls and things that she hunts are just like the mousies and the balls in my house place? Cuz I've been hunting them for over seven months now, which is like more than two forevers, and they still come alive again even after I've deadded them propper. As soon as I walk away and come back again, they need deadded all over again! And it's hard work! My little bug, for example. The human says it's a Neakofly but it's not. It's a bug. But it's always alive. Even when I catch it and pick it up in my mouth and run away with it and say wrow, cuz you can't say weeeeow when you have a bug in your mouth cuz then it falls out and runs away and you gotta chase it and chase it and chase it till you catch it again and then pretend that you meant to let it drop all along anyway and that it was part of the game. The bug is really alive, cuz it crawled into the human's jacket pocket last night when it had had enough of me catching it. It went in there to hide from me, and then it stayed real still and real quiet. And me and the human forgetted all about it till this morning when the human got to her day hunting place and she put her hand in her jacket pocket to get her name badge which is like the secret thing you need to break into the day hunting place where all the coolest things are to hunt. And out jumped the bug and his string that he's attached to, and he tried to run away from her, and all the other mighty day hunters said hahahahahahaha when they see'd the bug. They were probly laughing at my human who couldn't even catch a bug that she'd already catched in her pocket! She says they said words like "crazy cat lady," and "Next she'll smuggle a kitten in in that pocket," and other stuffs like that, but she just said hahahahaha too and telled them she was comfortable with being a nutter as long as it involved snuggly kittens, and sparkly balls and stinky goodness and mousies. Well, she didn't say them last things, but I woulda said that if I was her, cuz they're the bestest things ever.
I got a new nickname too that I forgotted to tell you about. Dogman and the human and even the somebody that comes to take the human away in the big growly monster called car every morning which takes her to her day hunting call me this. They call me Parrot. Why? Cuz my favouritest place in the whole world, maybe even in more than the whole world is on somebody peoples' shoulders, but only on somebody peoples that I like! Oh, it's so coooooool up there! And whenever a somebody picks me up, I climbclimbclimbclimb all the way up them and then onto their shoulders and then I go round the back of their neck and put my front paws and my head on their other shoulder and then I peep out with my face next to theirs, and I say purpurpurpur cuz I'm so happy up there, and if they talk to me or sometimes even if they're not talking to me but talking to a somebody, i say weeeeow and reeeeow and rrroooow to them till they talk to me some too. I like talking!
And if the somebodies don't pick me up, I talk and talk and talk and talk and then I shout right by their feets. And if that doesn't work, I jump and climb all the way up. And if they're bending over, I jump onto their backs and then climbclimbclimb to their shoulders. And I even climbed up Dogman's arm once! The human is a horrid big meanie, cuz she tells all the somebodies not to let me do that. She says it's Ok now cuz I'm a cute little girlcat, but when I turn into a boring old fatty ladycat like mummycat, then I can't do it no more cuz I'll be too heavy and it'll hurt the somebodies. So every time I jump on her back, she straightens up real quick so I fall off her and onto the soft carpet. And even though she's usually on her knees so I don't fall far, and the carpet's soft so I don't really get hurt, I cry and cry like a lost little babycat, but it doesn't work on the human. She does let me on her shoulders, but she has to say it's Ok first before I jump, and if she says no, I gotta listen and not jump, cuz if I do, then I'll just fall off again. But it doesn't work on Dogman. I maked him bleed by accident the other day cuz I put my claws in his skin to climb. And he was upset and said ouch ouch, ooooow! a lot, but when I got to his shoulder I put my claws back in again. And the human said, "See?That's why you need to stop her doing it!" And so the next time when I jumped on him, he maked me fall off just like the nasty human. And I cried and cried and cried like a little hurted babycat, and he picked me up real fast and snuggled me and said "Oh, Millie! Are you all right? Did I hurt you? C'mere and have a cuddle. And as soon as he picked me up, I climbclimbclimbed all the way to his shoulder, and then I said purpurpur, and he couldn't tell me off cuz I hadn't jumped on him or nothing and it's Ok to climb, just not to jump. And so now, he doesn't make me fall off any more, even though the human tells him off for it all the time. Silly Dogman! He's being trained already! And if you wanna see a picture of me being a parrot, you can Look at it here, I think!
I think that's all I thinked of for today. Oh, sept one thing. My human is going away for a little while next week. She says that one of her family is coming across in the big bird that eats peoples and then spits them out again called aeroplane, and she's coming all the way from Ireland and she wants to go see a place called London, so the human's gonna go with her there for a while. And she says that Dogman's niece will come and stay with us and feed us and cuddle us. And Dogman's niece feeled me when I was still just a wriggle in mummycat's tummy (if you actually believe that story), and then she came to see me when I was a teeny, tiny babycat before I even had my eyes open, and she's come and tickled me sometimes too, so I think I'll like her. And then the human will come back on Thursday night with her cousin. And I don't know if I'll like her cuz I don't know her, but she has a girlcat of her own, so maybe she'll be Ok. And then I get to show off at a show on Saturday! Isn't that all exciting!
Now I really can't think of no more. Byebye!
Thursday, 26 January 2012
Hihihihihihhi friends! It's me again! And it's my turn to write to you somebodies on this blog thing! Did you miss me all the way through reading what my boring old mummycat had to say? She's not as exciting as me, right?
I don't really have anything spe, spec, pacific (yeah, that's the right word) to weeeeow about today, so I think I'll just weeeeow about whatever I think about. Is that Ok? Oh, I just thinked of something! I don't only say weeeeow any more! I've learned to say rrrrrrreow, just like my stinky brother Paws who's now called Manny by his somebodies did. And the human thinks it's cute. And I say it to her in a real, real loud voice whenever she comes back from the thing that my mummycat says is called her day hunting, cuz I haven't see'd her in ages and I want her to know that I missed her and I need her lovin, now!
And my human's gone forever and forever all the time now. Mummycat says she's only gone for a few hours, and she's only been gone for 4 days so far, but she hasn't. You somebodies know I don't tell porkies, and if I say she's been gone forever and forever every day, then she has! Oh, I spose I should tell you that a porkie is a porkie pie which is my human's mummypeople's name for lies.
The human somebody has started calling me porkie. She calls me Porkie Pig who she says was a little fat piggie who used to be on the box with moving things in it but that you can't catch or touch that my human somebody says is called a TV. And she says he was really cute, but I thinked that I didn't wanna be called a Porkie Pig, even if he was cute. Cuz he's a boy, you see, and everybody somebody knows that boys stink. They're yucky! But she says she calls me Porkie Pig and Puddin and "Wee Fatty" and roly poly cuz I'm getting big and fat. But I know I'm not. It's all muscle and Ok, it might be soft muscle, but a girlcat's muscles don't firm up till she's much, much older, right? Like older than mummycat maybe? But then it's Ok, cuz then you're old enough to tell porkies about how you've only got a saggy tummy cuz you had babycats in it who wriggled and kicked and growed really big and stretched your tummy so that when you popped them out, they leaved a saggy tummy for you. But everybody somebody knows that babycats can't come from your tummy. It's only weewee and poopoo that comes from there, and so I think that mummycat's belly is saggy cuz she's a Porkie Pig too! And I got evidence, whatever that is, to say that that's not a porkie. Cuz my human put her in the bowl of the scary thing that talks to you when you sit on it, and it sayd "3645 grams!" And that's fatter'n me! Cuz then she maked me sit on it and it said "3185 grams" and I said weeeeow and climbed up the human to get away from it, cuz I don't like it very much at all. But them's some real big numbers! So we must be big cats! Do you think I should let her call me all them silly names she has for me?
Dogman has lotsa silly names for us. He makes up songs for mummycat, and he calls her mee-wow cuz when he used ta say that, she used to talk to him. And he calls me kitwin cuz he called me and my stinky brother Paws who's now called Manny the kitwins when we were both here, but now that he's gone, it's all my name, sept it's changed to just kitwin. Sometimes he calls me and mummycat kitwin and catwin and the human calls us double and trouble, sept she doesn't say the and bit. And she calls mummycat munstermunch (they're a kind of crisps over here) and she calls us both the munsters and she calls me "No, Millie" and "Stop it, Millie" and "Get off there where you're not supposed to be, Millie" a lot. So how're we sposed to know our names when they call us all them crazy words? I think we should just be called Mummycat and Millie or Mummycat and Girlcat, cuz I'm not a babycat any more so you can't call me babycat.
I gotted to try some real, real nice stinky goodness the other day that I haven't had ever in the world, and I loved it. And I eated the whole bowl, and the human said she was expecting me to get a runny bum cuz it wasn't the type we usually have, but we didn't. So now she thinks it might be something called grain that is giving me runny bum, cuz the new stuff was turkey pate and didn't have any of this grain stuff in it. And she says that I had it before when I was a very small babycat and that I loved it lots and that I decided after a while that I didn't like it, thank you very much, and I wouldn't eat it no more. So she gived it all away and then I started to like it again. Well, I know she's telling porkies, cuz there's no way I'd not like this stuff. It's great! But she only had 1 carton of it left, so we have to wait for the more that she buyed with the papers that she day hunts for. I don't wanna wait!
And I can't think of nothin else to say now, so I think I'm gonna go and tease mummycat that she's a porkie munstermunch mee-wow catwin pie. Um, I think that's the right name, right?
Monday, 23 January 2012
Friends, it's a hard life being me, do you know that? This time last year I thought I had it hard, what with wooing all those mancats and keeping up my untouchable reputation, but honestly, I had no idea of how tough life could be! Now, not only do I have to manage a dull-whitted, recalcitrent human, but I have a kitten to contend with who regularly steals my food, my napping spots and, more importantly, my blog! What's a ladycat to do, friends? I've got no idea!
Anyway, life just got a whole lot tougher. You know why? Because that human, that uncaring, unfeeling human, has abandoned us today! She says she had to return to her day hunting, but I think she's secretly disappearing off to have a good time without us. Couldn't she just stay sick and at home if she cared about us? She reminded me as she gave me a big goodbye cuddle this morning that if she didn't go to her day hunting, there'd be none of those silly papers that she keeps in her purse and doesn't let me play with, and without those papers, there would be no cat food, no nice new toys, no more showing myself off at shows, none of it. I suppose she has a point, but I'd never admit that to her face.
But what to do, friends? I'm stuck at home all day now with this crazy kitten, with no decent company. Not that my human classes as decent company. More of a distraction than anything else, but you'll take my point, I trust. There's not even the addition of new stinky goodness in the bowl at lunchtime to break up the monotony of being the only sensible, clear thinking being in the house. Ok, so the human heaped our bowl full for us this morning. Ok, so there's always dry food down, so much that we'd have to eat until we were sick to get through it in a day. But you know what? I like the stinky goodness best when it's fresh. I mostly only lick the gravy off, and gravy isn't half as appealing if it's been in the bowl all day and Millie's been at it. Ok, the human'll give me more stinky goodness as soon as she gets home, but again, you'll take my point, won't you?
In my less guarded moments, I'll admit that my kitten is growing up nicely. She's not as manic as she used to be. She doesn't take every opportunity to attack me when she finds me sleeping. She doesn't stalk my tail all the time any more. In fact, sometimes she's quite fun. She's really good to play chase with all over the house, and we regularly do the wall of death around the sofas in the living room. Well, she does. You know I'm too much of a well mannered ladycat to go hairing around over the top of peoples and on their furniture, but the baby isn't well mannered at all, and she does everything to excess.
The human has been thinking about excess lately. She has found it fascinating to watch the development of Millie and compare her to me. Millie gorges on food. She's effusive in her snuggling. She plays hard, sleeps hard, loves hard. In fact, she does everything to extremes. Her purr, just like her brothers' is mega loud compared to mine. I, on the other hand, never eat too much when I'm not caring for or feeding kittens. I regulate my own weight beautifully, in fact, too well if you ask the human, as she thinks I'm getting too skinny again. I always ask politely before stepping onto a lap, and I never jump directly onto a people. My human wonders how much of this had to do with my upbringing. I was raised in a multi-cat household, in among many other breeding cats. For many years of my life, I lived in not very great conditions. Long term readers of the blog will know about this as we spoke about those conditions whenever the human first got me. I was always with many other cats, having to share food, and even people attention. The human looks at me sometimes and thinks I'm almost apologetic when I ask to do things like have a cuddle. I'll always understand if she's too busy to cuddle me, but because of this, she always makes a special effort to give me more attention, and hardly ever ignores me unless her hands are dirty or she's really, really busy. I don't even purr loudly. Even Dogman has noticed how quiet my purr is in comparison to Millie's. Millie will bounce in and out of cardboard boxes, but I don't really understand the fascination at all. I can't really work out what they're for. They're a box. Nothing special, right? Or is it because, being born and raised in catteries, I never had the chance to see cardboard boxes at an age where I would have investigated and discovered how fun they were?
And toys, there's another one. I didn't really know how to play until I came to live with the human. She had to teach me that it was Ok to catch the dangly toys that she flicked around, but when I discovered what ping pong balls were. Well, that was a glorious day! Did I have toys as a kitten? She doesn't know.
She's a good human, really. She tries to make sure I have lots of chances to explore new experiences that I might not have seen before. If I show an interest in a new toy, she'll help me get over my nervousness of it (I'm always a bit wary of new things), and she'll show me how to play with it and that it's Ok to play. She lets me try lots of different foods, and the only thing she doesn't really compromise on is that she won't feed me the low quality stinky goodness that I love so much because it's only 4% meat. It also gives the kitten a case of the runny bum, so that might have something to do with it. She takes time out of her day to spend with me, and doesn't let the kitten muscle in on that time. In short, she's pretty all right, really.
I'm so pleased that my baby is being given chances and experiences that I may never have had. It's making her a really rounded cat, and when I see the small things that my human does for her, it just reaffirms why I put up with all her idiocy. The kitten took a real fancy to a shoe box when she was a tiny baby. Her and her brothers used to play in it all the time. Now that was months ago, but because the kitten liked the box so much, the human wouldn't throw it out. Even though it was in the way, she just filled it with toys for the babycat instead, and kept it until Saturday. She only got rid of it because it was falling apart and she knew she'd have another shoe box arriving in the post that very day. Now, there's not many peoples that would do that!
My baby has the best of everything, just as she deserves. And I suppose the human's daily abandonment of me is a small price to pay for that, small when you see how confident my little girlcat is. There's nothing quite like snuggling your baby against your tummy (cuz we do snuggle now that she's stopped fighting me) and knowing that you picked the best human you could to give her a super start in life.
Now, before this gets any mushier, I'm gonna go throw up a hairball in one of the human's slippers... That'll teach her for leaving us!